November 18, 2013

Un-joys of Un-Motherhood: One Woman's Story on Giving Up On Being a Mom

I'm sure that at least 90% of you would agree that women are destined for motherhood. We were created for it. Women in other cultures, that's their ultimate purpose - to be mothers**. Motherhood is what spurs an instant connection between the female specie, especially those who are blessed to be mothers. But others aren't as lucky. And that validating question "do you have children?" or "How many kids do you have?" takes a sudden awkward turn. This is what happened to me today.

Why do I always assume that when I see another woman, same age, younger or older than I'm, they are mothers like me? I guess it is in my genetic make-up. I'm a woman, a mother, therefore, so are they. Well, NOT this particular woman. This woman who gave me this sad, horrid look that left me puzzled when I asked her THE question.

She did ask me first, so I thought it was okay to throw her the question back. I swear, I felt like I committed the worst crime ever when I saw the look on her face.

Here's her story.
Song* is a talented tailor, owns a shop and in her own words treats it as "my hobby". She's from South Korea who's hoping to lose her accent so her English is more intelligible. Nothing wrong with that in my opinion. Now, she's every bit of a woman who is capable of being a mother and bearing a child.

But her body have other ideas in mind. 

According to her, she have a condition where her uterus is left so small, pregnancy will pose a threat to her health and her life. If she did forego pregnancy, her uterus will expand beyond its capacity and kaboom! You get the picture.

I jumped in shock. Then sadness overtook me.

Here is a woman who have the ability to be a mother, wants to be a mother, would love to be a mother but her body won't let her. I can only imagine her turmoil. And when she asked about my daughter, I nonchalantly told her, "Yeah she's my only child". She responded, "You are lucky you have one!" 

So true.

It made me appreciate the fact that I was able to bear a child. Even though this child drives me crazy at times. Still, I'm lucky to be and I love this child with all my heart.

Now to ensure that Song doesn't get pregnant, her husband made a difficult decision to give up his own ability for fatherhood, thanks to vasectomy! At this point, my jaw dropped to the floor.

When I left her shop, I had a higher appreciation of myself being a mother and having the ability of bearing a child - even though I was only blessed once. I have a child. She doesn't. Some women out there like her, doesn't and will never. Adoption is an option but nothing can compare to having your own child of your own flesh and blood.

Unfortunately, some women don't deserve to be Mothers but are mothers anyway. If you are one of those Mother's who gripe, complain and whine all the time about your children and at the verge of slaying them, do a reality check and count your blessings. If you can't, give your children away! Give them to a woman who will appreciate them better than you ever would.

Woman like Song.

*Not her real name to protect her identity. 
**Encyclopedia of Women and Islamic Cultures: Family, Law and Politics page 511


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