August 1, 2011

Coping with Loss and Grief

It has been a tough few weeks here at Zensible Mama. My step-dad died last week. This week was his funeral. Losing someone to death is never easy and never will be. Harder still to talk about but I do need to share my grief. When my mom called me last week to tell me he was nearing the end, it broke my heart to pieces. We both cried on the phone... the mere thought of  losing him to death hurts too much... Then we lost him for good...

For that short time I've known my step-dad, I loved him. He made my mom happy. My mom made him happy. They loved and adored each other. As my mom's child, that was all that mattered to me. Her happiness. Whatever his past was, it was never an issue and was never brought up. They're just two individuals in love. Age wasn't an issue either. For me, NO ONE is too old for love. But age has a way of creeping in and making you fall apart physically. My step-dad's health started to fail.

It was sad news. His health deteriorated and we knew that things were not looking up so well for him. We decided to spend Christmas with them last year. Then visited again in June this year, realizing it may be the last time we'll see him alive. It was tough. Seeing him suffering pained me. More so, knowing it pained my mom more. It was hardest when it was time to leave. We couldn't help but cry as we said our goodbyes.

Then I got the dreaded call a month after. My mom and I just cried and sobbed over the phone. There were no words to express the pain but tears. I flew to California in a hurry to be here for my mom. She needed an ally...

The Cinderella effect
With my step-dad's death came the step-children's intrusion, who just like Cinderella's evil step-family did not waste time to demand, harass and mistreat my poor mom. Not one ounce of respect or courtesy extended to her to grieve and mourn the passing of her husband. Rather, she was bombarded with their selfish desires and materialistic demands and thought of nothing but their rude, ugly selves! Why do these kind of people ever exist? They're the abomination of mankind and of our society.

It made me wonder how Cinderella coped. Seriously, how do you cope with grief this way? My poor mom. She needs to grieve but could not. Instead, she is stressed and agitated. It kills me. My heart doubly grieves not only for her loss but for the fact that she can't properly grieve for her loss... My heart also cries because of this mess, I have to be thousands of miles away from my little daughter and husband for a long while. This is NOT how one should be coping with loss and grief...Added sadness is uncalled for...I truly don't understand why some people can be... just evil... so I cry...

Related Stories:
Braving The Storm
The Journey Begins
A Walk to Beautiful - A journey to healing


  1. So sorry you and your family have gone through such a devastating loss and to go even further with the family drama is unfortunate. My thoughts and prayers and with you and your family.

  2. I'm sorry for your loss. I can only imagine what you are going through. You are in my thoughts.

  3. I'm so sorry for your loss, and the frustrations your mom is dealing with. No one should have to deal with drama when they need to grieve. I know it's a shallow comfort but seeing her happy and knowing his last years were spent in happiness with your mother is comforting. I only hope as the one left behind your mother finds a way to find happiness again.

    My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.


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